In the words of the phenomenal Lauryn Hill; “How are you going win if you not right within?”

People denounce getting help even when they know they need it instead relying on the advice of others who are no better off than they are. When we go through things, without realizing we often associate ourselves with people who are going through something similar or who will feed the lion in us versus the lamb.

Pause in your reading and take a minute to reflect on some life advice that was given to you in your youth that is invaluable today.

Now, allow me to share some advice that I find invaluable!

“Emotional Alchemy” A topic of healing from the heart is what Catherine Ewing spoke about at the TEDx event.

Alchemy is defined as ” a process that transforms something in a mysterious way” therefore “emotional alchemy” is a results of situations or events that occur in life that impacts our emotions and ultimately alters the way we see, hear, process and behave.

Catherine explained that trauma is not what happens to us, it is the result of what happens inside of us because of “what” happened to us. That’s not to say that traumatic things do not happen, instead it is to highlight the emotional alchemy that transforms us after the traumatic event.

Let’s make this make sense. Say you learn that the love of your life has been cheating and has a love child, at the moment you learn of the infidelity your heart is literally broken and you are filled with rage. The moment you learned is traumatic and you will never forget that exact moment, where you were, the time on the clock on the wall, the clothes you had, everything but the emotional alchemy comes into play with everything that happens after that, like how you are slow to trust the next partner, how you keep walls up, how you overthink and jump to conclusions even when you try not to.

Emotional alchemy is when time has long since passed but and the situation happened long ago but the outcome of that situation altered you forever.

My advice is to find some confidants, people who pray & help you through the journey. People who will hold you accountable. People who will speak to the King & Queen in you. People who will differentiate between your actions when you’re hurt and your heart at its core. People who will listen to understand versus just to respond. People who will pray for you and with you. People who will cheer you on when it’s your season of Grace & Favor even it’s not theirs. People who speak the same about you behind your back as they do to your face.

I have prayed people into my world who speak life and favor, who walk along side me through the storms instead of riding by letting me get soaked all alone. People who inspire & motivate me to see beyond what it’s front of me. But, it has not always been like that!

I thank God the most for my grandmother’s lessons and miss her like crazy during my times of angst and confusion. She taught me very early on to not spend time trying to figure it out on my own, instead give it to the Lord. She also taught me to keep my bidness (intentionally spelled how she would’ve pronounced it..lol) inside my home.

That’s not to dispel my statement that you need to have confidants because you certainly should, that is to remind you to be cautious and confident in the discretion of the ear you are speaking into. Not everybody on the boat with you is helping you row, some are poking holes in the bottom!