I know you are reading the title like WHAT??? Has this chick gone mad? I assure you by the end of this post, it will make sense.
A lot of us have gone into relationships (friendships too) and even marriage with a lot of expectations and without enough standards. These two are very interchangeable which often creates “blurred lines!”
A standard is a level of quality, something that is accepted as a norm, and generally used as a basis of judgment for you.
An expectation is a strong belief that is placed on other people, you believe that something is going to happen in the future, or a feeling that someone or something is going to achieve something.
To put this into perspective a standard would be if you only date men 6ft tall or taller, while an expectation is assuming that because a guy has a “good” job he will be a great provider. 🙂
Some standards vs. Expectations that I have:
Standard– I treat everyone with kindness and how I want to be treated… Expectation– Everyone treats me the same!
Standard– I say what I mean and mean what I say.. Expectation: For everyone to say what they mean and mean what they say
Standard– I am a punctual person… Expectation-When I make plans with someone, I expect them to be there at..that…time!
The blurred lines often come into play when we do not communicate our standards nor expectations and the two are often crossed. Both require open two-way communication where there is an agreement prior to moving forward.
Some examples using Chocolate and I include; because he cannot boil water without setting off the smoke detectors, the standard in our home is that I cook, an expectation is when he believes I will have dinner prepared when he gets home if I am off or get home before him. 😆 A standard is that he takes out the trash daily, an expectation is that he puts a new trash bag in the receptacle when he pulls the full one out 😕 ..
Because expectations are often beliefs that we have about the future behaviors of other people, we are let down when they are not met and then we react in a negative manner towards them when really it is us who let us down by projecting our beliefs on to them (mostly without their knowledge or agreement).
Another look at expectations is when you do something like clean the house from top to bottom and you expect your husband to come in and acknowledge it, and when he doesn’t there’s no sheets and blanket to be shared that night!
We cannot fairly project our expectations onto others without them agreeing to them, once they agree, it morphs into a standard, therefore you increase the standards (the norm for you two) and lessen the list of expectations (which are usually not clearly communicated).