Someone asked for more details on situations and how I overcame them. In this post I will tell you about the loss of a loved one. Some of you have already read or heard about most of this but I will share again.

In 2011 when my gran passed away, I was in shock, disbelief and deep grief but there was no time to lay around and wallow in the emotional turmoil that was keeping me up late and night and my heart heavy throughout the day. I still had responsibilities, I still had people looking to me for various things, I still had purpose and I still needed to live!

It was so hard, I will not dare sugar coat it and tell you that I prayed and felt better, I prayed and cried and cried, and prayed but, the pain was still relentless for quite awhile. I did not know how I would make it through life without her but I knew I had to.

I had to for everyone that was counting on me and, I had to for me and I had to for her. She would want me to use all that she bestowed in me that with those things & a lot of help from God, I could one day smile again.

Before I could completely mourn the loss of her, my grandfather joined her and I was right back to square one of my despair, although his death was a little expected. It was still like having half your heart just stop beating, it hurt like hell to know that the sacred place I found with them in their home was no more.

One day at a time, one weeping night at a time, one new sunrise, one new memory brought forth got me to a place of acceptance that life with them was never be like life without them. There were times I was happy one minute and crying the next. There were days I would cry in my car, closet, in bed laying still at night, anywhere where I could do it privately.

Losing a loved one is so very hard..

But, I still have life and although things would never be the same, I had to keep moving.

So, it was a choice, a choice to wake up each day and find a reason to smile, to find the beauty in the smallest things, to do things that would make them proud, to continue to build on the foundation that had set and to just keep living.

Then one day of no tears turned into two days, then three and so forth. I soon found myself smiling at memories instead of crying. I found gratitude in God loaning them to me for as long as he did because He didn’t have to.

God had equipped my gran to prepare me for the days when they would no longer be here and although there are still times where I am ridden with wishing I could just have 24 more hours with them, there are even more days that I am just grateful!