There has been many days and nights lately where I find myself lending an ear to people who continue to revisit the same situations without any changes in behavior from anyone and expecting different results. This is the definition of Insanity!

I have been gifted to be able to listen, discern and advise but the gag is that my advice is not for other people, it’s for the person I am consoling or counseling. As I am listening to a story, I am listening to what’s being said and what’s not being said, I am rewinding my memory bank on previous conversations and encounters concerning a similar or exact same set of circumstances and then I go into a line of questions to help me understand but more importantly to help the person identify the role they have or are currently playing in their dilemma.

What has concerned me as of late is the lack of accountability people have. It’s so easy to point the finger at others and never pay attention to the 4 fingers pointing back at you. We lay blame and sole responsibility of our happiness and joy in the hands of someone other than ourselves and that is the first problem!

I always tell people that “people can only treat you how you allow them to treat you” and that goes for family, friends, partners, co-workers, bosses, any and everyone. If you do not set boundaries and limits, how will people know when you have had enough? Why would you expect more respect for others than you have for yourself?

I have never been the one to tolerate much bs, maybe I had enough in my youth, maybe I was just born that way, I don’t really know. I just know that disrespect will never be tolerated and it does not matter who it’s coming from, I will shut it down each and every time. Honestly, that type of mindset will and has brought forth situations that I would not have been had I just smiled and played along but I do not owe anyone the peace that resides in me and if I allow disrespect and just bottle my feelings up inside, that is less room for the peace to reside and my peace needs lots of room.

Back to accountability, a lot of times we like to “victimize” ourselves. We like to act as if we were not a willing participant in a situation once it turns to hurt. An example: Being the other woman, which seems to be more acceptable and often promoted these days. The women I am talking about will knowingly go into a situationship with a man who is already taken and then when that man leaves his main woman and she becomes the main woman, she is shocked and hurt that he has the audacity to be cheating on her.. ON HER! (intentionally written twice!) This woman has neglected to realize that when she became the main woman she left a vacancy elsewhere and that man will continue to be who he has always shown her that he was. So it is fair for her to claim ignorance to how he could do that to someone he is suppose to have loved?

Or how about when a woman knows her man is cheating and she forgives him countless times for the women, the bonus children, STDs, etc but when she has finally been broken to what she feels is the point of no return, she cries foul on the play. Is she really a victim or a participant in the situation?

We have to STOP! We have to STOP forgiving people for behaviors they do not even apologize for. We have to STOP telling ourselves and others that people who betray us made a mistake when really it’s a choice. We have to STOP thinking that someone else holds our joy when the bible tell us that the world does not give it to us, so the world cannot take it away! (John 14:27) We have to STOP waiting for people to choose us, when we need to choose ourselves!

I love my beautiful sisters and am here to empower and inspire not to condemn and judge so please do not take this message as such. I want us to stand in Victory every day over every battle and scheme of the devil!

To do that, we must first acknowledge and accept that a lot of “drama” in our lives lies within our control. We cannot be afraid to walk away from situations and people that no longer serve us.