I once saw a quote that read ” I want a marriage more beautiful than my wedding!” and I thought to myself, what a perfect summary of what my intention was when I married Chocolate (my husband).

Marriage is designed to be a long term commitment between two people. I remember when Chocolate and I started talking about getting married and what that would look like, not just the actual wedding day but the marriage. I was adamant about us attending premarital counseling and him not so much but in his husband training he learned early that a happy wife is a happy life!

Being that we are both Christian believers, we opted to complete our marriage counseling through the church. My mother strongly suggested we use her pastor for the counseling so being the good daughter that I am, that’s who provided our counseling.

I remember his very first question to us was ” Do you “need” to get married?” and me being the Super Independent Woman I was responded quickly and said “NO!”. Chocolate on the other hand was vying for favor from the pastor responded and said “Yes!”. The Pastor went on to explain to us that there must be a “need” for one another in order for a marriage to work because when the days are not full of sunshine and roses, that need for one another is what will bond us together and 7 years in, he was so right!

Having that “need” of my husband to be by my side, to be my strength, to be my protector, to be my peace and to be my provider has got me through the really good times we have encountered and through the challenging times we have overcome.

February of last year, I woke up one day after my birthday burning up and coughing, my husband looked over at me with a questioning look as to ask how did I get sick overnight. I spent the day taking medicine and laying around sleeping on and off but I was getting worse and I was burning up. Being that I had never had a fever I was not aware of that being the reason for my hot spell. In the middle of the night after trying to sleep with the window open to cool off (yes, in February), I went to the ER where they asked my symptoms, took my vitals and shared that they would be swabbing me for the flu and taking x-rays to check for pneumonia. I brushed them both off by saying, I have never had either (this is where someone inserts; never say never), I said; must be the sinus infection that I had a few weeks prior returning with a vengeance. Well, my temperature was 104 which was causing my heart rate to accelerate at what they said was an alarming level and the swab test was positive for the flu and the x-ray showed pneumonia in the left lobe of my lungs! Shock is an understatement of what I felt at the moment. I was admitted to the hospital for the first time in my life and remained there for 7 whole days as my conditioned drastically worsened despite being on strong antibiotics before it started to improve and I was able to go home to continue to recuperate.

My Chocolate was right beside me every single day sleeping in the uncomfortable recliner at my bedside as I battled those infections. It is in those moments where our need for someone to be there to comfort, console and encourage you that you truly understand the “need” to have them. I needed his strength during those days, I needed his faith in God’s healing hands and more than anything, I just needed his presence by my side.

So, say you’re thinking… I don’t “need” my husband, anything he can do for me, I can do for myself. Trust me, I get it! As a woman all about the empowerment and equal rights and treatment of women, I am 100% here for you being able to do for yourself! I challenge you to dig a little deeper and ask yourself, then list the needs that you have that your husband meets. Consider the value that he brings to your life, that’s what we focus on in marriage. You have to maximize the strengths of your man and minimize his flaws so that you are always reminded of the “need” to have married him in the first place.