Although we all believe that the friendships we build as children and young adults will last forever and we will raise our kids together to be the best of friends, we will have date nights, birthday parties and celebrate holidays together, it is an inevitable fact that life takes people in new directions; growing apart from old friends becomes a part of our lives.
You wake up one day and realize it has been a while since you have talked to your best friend and you have missed so much in each other’s lives, so you call her up and you two chat for hours as the lapsed time seems to fade away as you catch up. You make promises to stay in touch more, you schedule a time for dinner or an outing, you see each other share some laughs & memories…and life is good!
Then you wake up another day and realize it has been an even longer period of time since you two have communicated and now you have both missed major milestones in one another’s lives and all of a sudden, you’re sad and you miss her like crazy!
Maybe you’re like me and then you spend time agonizing over the memories you two have shared and wondering where you went wrong and you’re filled with anxiety on what she must think, does she think you abandoned her and how can you fix it! You bombard your family and friends for suggestions on what you consider to be a loss only for them to assure you that it’s ok or in my case, to look at you like you’re crazy! For those of you who don’t know me, I can be a little dramatic (just a little) and over analyze a situation like the best investigator ever! 😉
It’s ok and perfectly normal to grow apart and you should not feel guilty about it. There is no-one to blame as time and distance has crept into the once sisterhood. Then you start to wonder do you even still have commonalities, are your journeys relatable? When I really think about, some of my best friends who knew me on a deep level when I was younger have no idea of the person I am today. Living in the past will only hinder me from being who I am today and who I am yet to become. So, I take the memories and experiences that we have shared and I hold them close to my heart! Just because you decide to move on from the friendship does not mean you forget about all the times you have shared or that you forget the love you have for them, it just may continue to be from a distance with maybe a few likes on FB and hearts on IG! ♥
Well, who are your best friends now? Mark 10:8 (NIV) says “and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Therefore, it is quite natural for your husband to replace close friendships that you once had! I can say, Chocolate is surely my bff! At this point there is no person on earth who knows me better than him and within the context of the bible, that is the way it should be! Having another bff to confide in and to seek counsel from is awesome however at the end of the day all decisions are made with his consent (ok, that’s pushing it, let’s say with his “awareness”). 😆
These days when it comes to friendships; I take what a person offers and give what I can. Some friends I talk to daily and trust them as advisors (another post for another day), these people are my confidants and prayer warriors! There are other friends who I call up for social engagements and to share laughs with on social media and then there’s some that as long as we talk every once in a while and attend each other’s functions, it’s all good. Each type of friendship is pertinent and serves a purpose, they’re just different purposes. When you stop comparing friendships and just accept each one for what it is, you’re content and so is the other party.
What I don’t do are friendships that feel like obligations, (you know the ones) I also avoid friendships that not mutually beneficial, there is no room in my life to entertain someone who does not care to meet me halfway. Now that I’m wiser, I accept that people are in your life for season and no matter what life goes on! And with life comes new friendships with your husband, children and even Wine!