The singer Ciara caught a lot of backlash several weeks ago for posting a snippet of the video below where Pastor John Gray was speaking on women needing to shift their spirit from that of a “girlfriend” to that of a “wife” in order to attract a husband.

Ciara received so much backlash for posting this clip as people reminded her of her past indiscretions and accused her of talking down to women who are not married and some even shared that being married is not something women should aspire to, while others even went as far as summing up topics like this as being misogynistic.

The audacity of people to think that your past mistakes are who you are in this current day. That you cannot outgrow and mature past those failed relationships and perhaps bad decisions of the past and use them as lessons to becoming who you are today.

I’ve made plenty of mistakes but I know that’s not who I am.. I am far removed from my past and will not let anyone confine me or make me believe that my mistakes are all I’ll ever be..

The viral clip consisted of only 60 seconds of what was actually an empowering message in its entirety.

Have you ever dated the same guy over and over again, the names & faces were different but the behaviors are the same and you find yourself wondering how you keep ending up in this same situationship?
Ok, maybe not you but how about someone you know?

Sad to say the issue is not with the men. You (or them) have not shifted YOUR own mindset and acknowledged the roles you play in attracting and entertaining those that you already know are not in God’s plans for you.

We do have to first love ourselves! With self love we will not allow people to treat us any type of way, we will have standards and hold to them. And when people are in our lives that violate our standards, the self-love you have for yourself will outweigh the love you have for them and you will choose YOU!

I believe people will treat you how you allow them to treat you. Sometimes we find ourselves allowing people to mistreat us, afraid of them becoming upset or leaving your life when we address their behavior but what do we really have to lose sis?
I’ll tell you what.. You stand to lose hope, you stand to lose sleep, you stand to lose respect, you stand to lose YOU!

Believing in YOU, loving YOU, standing up for YOU and celebrating YOU are not selfish actions, they are necessary requirements in self-care.

Give yourself daily affirmation! Tell yourself in the mirror what you love about yourself, compliment yourself, celebrate yourself. How can you expect someone else to learn how to love and treat you if you’re not doing it first?

Happiness & love starts from within and it’s a determining factor in who and what you attract! When you stand tall, smile broadly, make eye contact and speak confidently, you are telling others, I know my worth, I know what I will accept and you better bring your best efforts to be a part of my life!

Yes, the message was directed at women and their behaviors but the message in this video is bigger than simply striving to be a wife.

There’s a message here for all.

When we want something different than what we have, we have to do things differently than what we have been doing.
You have to FIRST be the change YOU want to see in others!
Check the video out below!